maybe...says the breakig heart

I'm trying to get out of this deep dark cold and lonely hole I have put myself in. Unknowingly I fell head over heals in love with an idea that as each days passes becomes more of a want that I cant quite grasp. Its amazing how your heart can break over something that never existed in the first place. It's like being in love with someone you had a dream about... they never existed in reality but your heart breaks for them to just be real. My heartaches for this in my heart to just be real, for that line to confirm that all that I have wanted and all my prayers were not a waste of my mental energy. Maybe next month I say to myself... maybe its too early to tell. Maybe maybe... maybe... a heart breaks over ... a maybe

Looking back...while going forward

They all say that you should never look back while you are on a road going forward. My question is why? I am happy where I am, and sometimes happy is not even a fraction of how I feel. I love Lisa. She is the greatest thing that has ever happen to me, my savior my everything. Now I cant say that there have not been days where we have both questioned why we even tried. And we both have been with one foot out the door ready to leave, but even with both feet out our heart never followed in our footsteps. We have both made our mistakes in this some that I will never forget and some that were seemed impossible to forgive, but we both knew that the biggest regret would be letting it all go. I still look back and I keep a rear view mirror of my life in my pocket not to trance in memories but to remember where i never want to be again. Not to say before Lisa everything was horrible, it wasn't good, but this right NOW is so much better.
Now hopefully we will be starting a NEW journey together creating a family between us.